Pulling Inward

 Hello, It is Tuesday. Which is two days later than Sunday, which is two days later than the day that I had established as my "blogging day" for each week. I always aim to not be too rigid with the rules I make for myself when I create goals or challenges. Because I know that sometimes the enthusiasm I had at the beginning of something isn't necessarily always sustainable. I like to give myself permission to quit a thing when it's not bringing me joy anymore and I don't like to muddy that up with feelings of shame or guilt. Which is not to say those feelings are completely absent in these situations--I'm just trying not to let them become dominant. Also, I know that giving up entirely on a challenge when I stumble is counterproductive when I could just pick myself off, dust myself off, and keep going. It takes a little bit of introspection to know whether letting go or carrying on is the thing.

That's kind of where I'm at, which is probably not unusual (for me) at this time of year because at this point I kind of know myself well enough to know my patterns. January means feeling excited and enthusiastic and revved up about that "fresh slate" feeling. It means coming up with all kinds of projects and challenges and goals and feeling like there's no way I'm not going to carry through with every single one of them. March, on the other hand, means feeling a bit burnt out, a bit too beholden to what feels like obligations I've put on myself. Again, I'm trying not to dwell in a place of "why am I like this?" because, well, I am like this and it hurts no one, so... But, I do think March is a time of reevaluation when it comes to considering what I want to devote time and energy to, a time of shedding what isn't working and renewing energy on what is.

I am well aware that a lot of the feeling of burnout is coming from school. There's something in my personality that has a really hard time with focusing on more than one capital-T Thing at a time. And I want to finish up, I want to get that degree, so naturally school is prioritized right now. Sometimes even when I'm not actively working on an assignment, or watching a lecture, or reading learning materials, it's still filling up my brain--like a giant blob of something labeled "unfinished business." 

But--right now, at this very moment, I have just finished recording a fake podcast, which was the final assignment for my Young Adult Literature class, which means the only thing I have left to do for this session is a final exam paper for my Science Fiction Literature class, which is due tonight. After that I'll have a week and a half to rest and then I'll have to dive into 7 weeks of intermediate Spanish, and after that I will be finished! Graduated! So, I'm starting to feel this sense of near-completion. The end is in sight, light at the end of the tunnel, and so on and so forth. 

And the feeling of being almost done is triggering a feeling of pulling inward, thinking about my creativity, thinking about what I want to focus my energy on when I get to the point where I don't have the blob of "unfinished business" sitting in my brain taking up space. I know I'm late with my weekly blogging, but this is not a thing I want to let go. I know I've been missing weeks of finishing up weekly creations, but that is also not a thing I want to let go. I know I will let go of some of my little challenges, most likely ones I haven't shared here at all, but in the meantime, just know that I do intend to catch up on the most important ones. 

In the meantime, here is my ordinary beauty photo from week 8 of 2026:

Morning

No runner-up this time. Just some sunlight and shadow that caught my eye.